Alcoholics and addicts are called upon to learn new living skills to restore the roles that chemicals played in their lives. Some of the primary skills to be acquired in early recovery are effective communication and relationship skills.
Assertiveness is essential for communication and relationship Genomind testing skills. This self-assured style not just involves being able to stand up for one’s rights without trampling on the rights of others, but it also means being able to say “no” without feeling guilty. It encompasses taking responsibility for one’s feelings, behaviors, decisions, actions, and reactions while giving up responsibility for those same things in others. It provides being able to express a complete array of emotions to others appropriately.
Self-confident, firm behavior involves being able to openly, honestly, and directly communicate one’s wants and needs. The firm boundary setting doesn’t include building impenetrable walls. It tells others where you stand, and outlines a range of appropriate behavior concerning you.
Passivity denotes an absence of self-confidence and firmness. It generally involves abandoning one’s rights, wants, needs, to the wants or needs of others. A lack of appropriate boundaries allows others to treat you pretty much as they want, regardless of what you want.
Aggression involves trespassing other boundaries to get your wants or needs met. It could involve verbal, emotional, sexual, spiritual, or mental abuse. This may involve manipulation and dirty fight tactics. People may also be passive-aggressive, which will be about being aggressive in a sneaky, covert way. More often than not, it is all about acting out anger in a hidden way. An excellent example is typical backbiting, talking behind one’s back kind of behavior that you see on the earth of work every day. Most people exhibit this behavior from time to time. The following are samples of passive-aggressive responses to a request that you do not want to do:
- Saying “ok,” but lacking any intention of accomplishing it.
- Saying “ok,” intending to accomplish it, but putting it off until eventually, they do it themselves.
- Saying “ok,” carrying it out, but doing a lousy job at it, thinking, “they will never ask me to do that again.”
- Saying “ok,” carrying it out, and doing a good job at it, but going around to everyone complaining about their imposition in the very first place.
- Instead of saying “no,” giving 15 excuses why you can’t do it, and the true reason is that that you do not want to.
An appropriately secure way to cope with an undesirable request is to express, “No, I don’t want to do that,” or “No thanks,” or “No.” If you are not accustomed to being assertive, a straightforward “No” can appear aggressive.
Most people possess some part of their lives where they feel pretty confident about being standing for themselves. Even minimal self-assured person has some area where they can be assertive and probably the most self-confident person has some area where they only can’t seem to have it together.
The skills that you utilize to be firm in one area are transferable to other places where it looks like you will always give in. All it will take to transfer these skills is “risk.”The risk is usually a concern with loss once you avoid attempting to be assertive. This concern with loss is frequently about the loss of esteem, self-esteem, loss of goods and services, or loss of the relationship. A lot of the time, worries are way out of proportion to the likelihood of actual damage.
To be able to find out which areas you’ve minimal confidence in your power to be assertive, consider whether you typically behave in a comfortable, firm manner once you take part in these circumstances:
- Getting off the phone from the telemarketers without listening to their sales pitch?
- Taking something defective back once again to Walmart?
- Sending a slice of meat back that’s not cooked how you ordered it?
- Telling your neighbor “no” when s/he desires to borrow something.
- Setting boundaries with someone at the office who tries to make the most of your good nature either by trying to get you to accomplish their work, or asking you to hide for them.
- Negotiating for changes at the office, either for additional money or a change in working conditions.
- Saying “no” to 1 of your siblings who would like something which that you do not want to offer — time, energy, or other resources.
- Saying “no” (and residing at “no”) to one of many kids who would like something that you do not want to offer, do, or buy.
- Setting boundaries with the previous generation (your parents or spouse’s parents) when they wish to meddle in your organization where they don’t belong (e.g., money or marriage).
- Conveying your feelings assertively to your significant other who has been doing something which involved your feelings being hurt.
Are you able to see patterns in the areas where you want to be confidently firm, and where you’ve more trouble? What are they?